I am still eating solids but I am starting to prefer bland foods.

Told radiologist that my blisters are becoming increasingly painful and that I am starting to lose my ability to taste, was sent to the oncologist and he prescribed the 'cocktail'. The ingredients of which will be provided under the medication section. It burns like hell, but does numb the pain for a short while. It is very strong and also makes me quite tired.

Threw up this morning, not sure what caused it. Maybe it is the combination of pain and eating too early. Had ensure (meal replacement shake) and pawpaw. Not a winning combo. The 'cocktail' is too strong for me so I am urrently drinking ibupain forte which is still helping rather well.

In extreme pain. Mouth filled with very large yellow blisters that look more like a fungus. My tongue is extremely swollen and feels like it is on fire. My usual oncologist wasn't in today so saw another doctor who prescribed Temgesic 0.2mg (Buprenorphine Sublingual Tablets). Hope it brings some relief. It is my best friend's engagement party this weekend and I am supposed to host the event.

Had a disastrous weekend. The pain became absolutely unbearable and my tongue is now so swollen that I can hardly speak. I am also finding it impossible to eat; I am only drinking Ensure now. It was so stressful having to entertain people at my home and by Sunday I felt extremely depressed. I am seriously considering quitting treatment, if my symptoms become any worse I can not imagine going on, I am not even halfway yet!!

I showed the radiologist my tongue and was sent to the oncologist immediately. I told him that I was seriously considering quitting and he asked to give the new medication he prescribed a try before making my decision. He prescribed stronger morphine, steroids for the inflammation and drops for my swollen tongue.

He also said that perhaps instead of quitting I could rather just take a week off and recover a bit before continuing with treatment. He said that because Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma is such a slow growing cancer this was an option. I told him I would stick it out one more week because we already traveled to Pretoria and I didn't have the energy for the 3 hour trip home. The new morphine is bringing relieve but also making me feel very drugged.

Halfway... Swelling in tongue is down a bit and the pain is more manageable. Feeling very worried that as the week progress this will change. Eating soup and ensure. I now weigh 56kg. Trying to limit my speech as much as possible. Talking has become very painful. Blisters are now also forming on my lips. My face is extremely red and dry but luckily it isn't painful.

Definite signs of improvement. The large yellow blisters have now changed into less swollen white patches. My gums have started to bleed badly when I brush my teeth, despite the fact that I am using a super soft toothbrush. My teeth also feel like they are never really clean. It feels like I have a constant layer of plaque on them, maybe it is just the skin that is coming of in the inside of my mouth. The drops and steroids the doctor prescribed really does help. I can still taste some things but mostly everything just tastes like salty rotting meat.

Feels very strange to end of my fourth week feeling better than what I did at the start of the week. Went to a friend's house for a braai (barbeque) not expecting to try and eat anything.
(I have only had ensure the last week) but he managed to convince me to give it a try and I was very surprised when I managed to finish a medium rare lamb chop. The taste was absolutely revolting, really did taste rotten, but was happy to get real food in my stomach. The firm textures of the meat made it easy to eat because I could cut it in thin strips give it two chews and swallow. It didn't fall apart in my mouth and forced me to use my tongue too much. It stays a single bite unlike rice or salad that goes everywhere. The acidity in fruit makes it impossible to eat, burns too much.

Feeling tired and negative. I have no appetite and is really getting very sick of ensure. After I drink it I struggle with a slimy mouth for about an hour. It makes my saliva very thick which in turn make me very nauseous. The vanilla flavour ensure is also too frothy so I stick to chocolate flavour. The steroids that helped so much with the swelling and pain is now starting to make me feel sick. It burns my stomach and makes me feel bloated.

Feeling horrible. Tried my best to eat salmon and vegetables for lunch but just couldn't keep it in. My stomach is very sensitive. I am feeling dehydrated and emotional. I really can't even think about food. I couldn't drink my steroids today because I knew my body would reject them and I just couldn't bring myself to drink them knowing they would make me feel worse.

So tired of people telling me to eat and making smoothie suggestions. I promise I am doing my absolute best. I know that it is because I am not eating that I am feeling so emotionally spent but I just can't. Doctor prescribed pills for my nausea; they are usually prescribed to chemo patients but will hopefully bring some relief. They are extremely expensive, R100 a pill, so hoping I get my money's worth. Took one and it helped for about six hours, they are too expensive to take more than one a day so will try again tomorrow.

Drank another nausea pill (Zofer Rapitab) and it really helped a lot. Amazing how much better you can deal with life just by being able to think about something other than how crappy you are feeling. I am for the first time able to consume something other than ensure. Thank goodness!

Think the worst of the nausea have passed. Still feeling a bit drained and tired. Experiencing extreme constipation.

Had a horrible weekend. Had to get an enema which was very embarrassing but it did help and I am feeling less uncomfortable. Things are looking up and I feel much more stable emotionally. I even bought a flight ticket to Cape Town for my friend's wedding next weekend.

Feeling better still. I have fewer blisters in my mouth and even the rotting taste in my mouth is a bit better or maybe I am just getting used to it...

It is so strange that I continue to improve. The oncologist told me that my symptoms would reach a plateau but I am experiencing definite improvement. The fact that I can eat is helping with my emotional state of mind. I have completely lost my ability to taste sweet, really miss it. Went and saw a movie with my mom today, I was a very welcome distraction.

So happy that I am feeling this good for the wedding. The massive red mark on my face is not going to look good on the wedding photos, luckily the nurses told me about a make-up brand that I am allowed to use called Bio-Nike. It was specifically tested and found to be safe to use by patients undergoing radiation therapy. Instead of this wedding being another obstacle that I am going to have to endure, I actually feel like I might even be able to enjoy it.

I was supposed to have a session yesterday but there was something wrong with the machine so only had it today. I had a wonderful weekend in Cape Town and enjoyed the wedding a lot. Danced until 2am and had so much fun with all my friends. Must admit when I got to the guesthouse I sat and cried in the bathroom for a long while. I think they were more tears of joy than sadness though. I was just so relieved that I was able to attend the wedding and that I was almost at the end of my radiation therapy. I am so glad that I didn't quit in my third week when things felt unbearable. Only three more sessions to go.

My mouth is quite sore again. Think it is because I finished with my course of steroids. Blisters are popping up everywhere again and my left ear is constantly aching.

Saw the oncologist again and got a new prescription for steroids. I am so lucky that my symptoms are so mild in the end. I still have sufficient salivary production and only have a dry mouth when I wake up in the mornings. The first oncologist I saw told me that all of my salivary glands would be destroyed and that I would have permanent dry mouth. How incredibly happy I am that that is not the case. I can even eat very dry foods such as bread without needing a drink to wash it down with. I can still taste salty and bitter but sweet and sour is completely gone now. I have a constant salty rubbish taste in my mouth and because I can't taste sweet sucking on candy doesn't bring any relief.

My symptoms are still stable. My neck area is red but not painful. In my fourth week of therapy my skin became very dry and irritated but then I started using the Bio-Nike lotion. My skin is much softer and no longer itchy. The lotion specifically helps with the redness and my skin has changed from a very deep almost purple red to a much lighter shade.

My last session!!! Wow, I can't believe this nightmare is coming to an end. Bought a big container of chocolate cookies to say thank you to all the staff that helped me during this time. They asked if I wanted my mask, which of course I did. Not sure what I am going to do with it or where I am going to put it. Looks like a scary Halloween mask. So incredible grateful that I have finished this part of my cancer journey and can go home now.